(Z)euters

i discovered the internet around 15. it was still a slow 28.8 kbps connection through singnet adsl. but i was already exploiting its to discover all sorts of wonderful information. either that or whatever captured my fancy at that time, which for a bicurious teen of 15 is rather self-explanatory.

but it wasn’t until 16 that i found out about irc. sure, i heard about it in class–about how addictive it was, how fun it was to chat with so many people at once–yet it never really piqued my interest till i uncovered a channel specifically for singaporean gay teens. as with other channel users, i needed a chat handle. my first ever was Eeeekk. yea, bummer right? of all the smart-alec things to choose from, i chose a purple cat. *shrug* it served its purpose.

so i chatted and chatted, and met a few persons, not only online but in person. even jumped into a my very first relationship by 19. but around that time, partially thanks to the army experience, i realized that i have been a cynical frog-in-a-well for the longest time. i felt i led a very sheltered life, and that there was so much more to life that i could go and find out about. but there i was, at the age of 19, with very few non-academic achievements, and awfully naive about the world’s going-ons. i felt… i needed a rebranding. first to change? my chat handle. no longer a silly purple cat. i chose enthuz instead; a reminder to myself that i should do the nike, i.e. just do it!

that spun off to other things: enthuziast@yahoo.com.sg ; enthuz_ziaxt@hotmail.com ; enthuz@gmail ; even my character on FFXI was called enthuz. and for a good while, i was trying things i wouldn’t normally have tried, going on experiences that i might not even have considered…

then i got attached to chris (tristan now, or so he calls himself) for slightly more than 2 years while i was doing my college in purdue (www.purdue.edu), not to mention a short 6 months long distance after i graduated. i’ll skip the details here. suffice to say, after this ended, i felt like i needed another change, but i wanted to preserve the essence of enthuz. so for some odd reason, i thought i should just spell it backwards.

hence we got z-u-h-t-n-e.

before you jeer, i don’t really use zuhtne at all except in print. i still identify very much with enthuz–the essence of the word, and what i promised myself when i was younger; most of which is still applicable even as i continue to chart my life today. zuhtne will just be a firm reminder that sometimes i need to take a step back and reflect so that enthuz can take that one correct step further.

~ enthuz | zuhtne